I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
