woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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