You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
