also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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