i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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