hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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