Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
