So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
