i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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