The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
