masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
