he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
MIDGETS
????
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize