i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
