Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
