Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
