I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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