So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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