so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
