I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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