I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
