YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
