My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
