and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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