I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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