: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
