that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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