I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
