so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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