I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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