I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
