Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
