Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
