R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
