You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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