i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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