Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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