Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
