after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Randomize
