I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
