you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
