Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
