he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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