I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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