my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
