I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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