life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize