She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
is wine microwaveable?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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