i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
