party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
