i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
