I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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