Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
