Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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