so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
