the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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