if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
