Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
