just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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