one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
