My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
