I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
