i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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