Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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