we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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