I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
