So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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