I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
