Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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