Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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