If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
