I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
