I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
