and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
