they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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