What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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