**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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