There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
