Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
