So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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