Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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