id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
