I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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