so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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