Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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