Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
