i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
