What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
