She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
