he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
