You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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