True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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