u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
