make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
try to milk me bitch
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