Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
